Pjohanna's Blog

{December 2, 2008}   Losing my FAITH

I was raised in a very strict religious household. I always had my doubts, I always had questions that could not really be voiced or in turn could not really be answered. I finally left that religion, about 10 years ago. About, maybe 5 years ago, I declared I didn’t believe that Satan existed. I am now at a crossroads. I have come to the fork on the road and I don’t know which way to turn.

I have always stated, I am a spiritual person, but do not believe in organized religion. I am now coming to terms that I might not really believe in the existance of God. This teriffies me. I wonder, when I am at my death bed, am I going to regret this?

I like to rationalize and I like to find evidence and facts. I don’t find any when it comes to HIM, yet, at the same time, I can’t find evidence for the opposite.

I don’t like where the world is heading, when it comes to HIM. I sometimes wonder if it is the religious zealots that are pushing me in the opposite direction. That is when I pause and wonder, should I allow them that much power?


nonamiss says:

Lee Strobel, “The Case for Christ.” He has stats, archaeology, carbon dating, the kind of stuff a mind wired like yours might need to get a foot hold on something as intangible as faith. I’ve been there. Best to you on your search. At least you’re asking the questions and not following either way like a sheep! (“Evidence That Demands A Verdict” is another, but not an easy read)

kathleen says:

This post interested me because I came from the opposite direction. I was raised with no faith, and called myself and agnostic. At 35, I had what I can only describe as an encounter with Jesus Christ. This was not something I even wanted at the time, but there is evidence for God. All the things I could tell you will not help. He says that “if you seek Me, you will find Me.” keep looking, you are His beloved, and He is waiting for you to discover that.

p.Johanna says:

hi kathleen thanks for visiting and for your testimony. i know for sure i am against organized religion the rest is a search.

Michael says:

I find myself in a similar place. I was an Evangelical for 24 years, pastoring for several of those years, and for most of those years, holding positions of leadership. I think what led me to abandon that faith was the absolute hell of my divorce, and how such, so-called Godly people behaved. Today, like you, I do not believe in Satan or hell. I too wonder, if on my death-bed, I will regret it, but I think that is just the fear that was drilled into me by the church’s teachings.

p.Johanna says:

hi Michael, thanks for checking me out. i agree with you and your reasons. i bump into people from my xhurch and they stare at me wide eyed like I am the devil and i am physically the same as before. to this day when my mom sees me she will ask me, “what are you going to do during judgement day?”

ichabod says:

Hi p.Johanna;

Don’t worry about the death bed thing. I think honesty is key. How could God be angry at one of God’s creations for being honest? If doubting is what you think, so be it.

For me I have tried every approach under the sun and have asked the same question more than once. I don’t think religion and the books do a good job at all, however I believe there is a force I call God and it is life itself.

That which makes us alive. There is something that jump starts us and enables us and every other life form to live, feed, procreate. die and recycle ourselves.

Men can invent some pretty neat things, but not life. We may be able to emulate life, but not instill it or give it the capacity to create another being like ourselves. When you think about it, we are all miracles, for I could not even begin to think about reproducing a life form on earth and be successful.

That is the great unknown I call God.

p.Johanna says:

Hi Ichabod.

I have never thought of it in the way you put it. A million thanks.

Michael says:

I agree with ichabod.. Also, the question I asked myself was this: Michael, you are father of two beautiful girls. Is there anything that those girls could do that would cause you to completely turn your back on them and forsake them? The answer s “NO! A million times NO!” If God is a loving father, and we are his children, how can he forsake us and condemn us to an eternity of suffering and torment? I don’t know if you know who Carleton Pearson is, but he was pastor of one of the biggest Charismatic Evangelical churches in America at one time. He had a crisis of faith over the whole hell issue, and the LGBT issue. Google his name. He lost everything, but gained happiness that he had never had before. His church went from several thousaand to two hundred, and he is happier than ever.

p.Johanna says:

Hi Michael. Thanks for the advice, I will be looking Carleton up.

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